Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast

A shark that travels in snow turns out to be more than a legend.
Slapstick Gore
So Bad It's Good
Creature Feature

 

United States
2011
Feature Film
Realism: 
Supernatural
Festivity: 
Shark Week
Character Focus: 
Animal Film
Animals: 
Imaginary
Shark
2
White shit...
6
2
3.04
2
1
3
2
Dialogue
Photography
Plot
Now this is interesting. Here’s a shark movie infinitely shitter than all shark movies out there. It’s set in the snow, it’s about sharks that roam in the snow, and it sucks big time. The sound quality is horrendous, the picture is bad, and those shark effects are abysmal. Every time a shark pops up, so does the editor to conceal how bad the photography looks, by shaking the picture in post.
Of all things, this is a Christmas movie. It’s also perfect for a shark week marathon, except it should be last in your list. This film is way too serious for what it has to offer. Do we really need the cops involved? Where’s the fun in that? The picture is grey. The editing is atrocious. Lighting is minimal. Set design is minimal. Give me something, here!
Dead Santa Claus? Check. Jacuzzi? Check. Boobs? Check. Substantial plot? Nope! Match cuts? Nope. Set design? Forget it. This film means well, but it doesn’t deliver. It’s competing against low budget movies that aren’t trying that hard and that still do much better than this. This is a bad movie and it’s not worth your time. It’s the worst of the worst.
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This book contains the synopses and reviews of the darkest films in Stuart Gordon’s filmography. The movies are ranked.

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Included in this book are 50 reviews of horror and horror-adjacent apocalyptic films.

Apocalyptic films depict destruction, violence, fear, famine, and the terror that precede the end of civilization.

Each book in the Subgenres of Terror 2020 collection contains a ranked thematic watchlist.

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Included in this book are 50 reviews of horror and horror-adjacent disease films.

Disease films depict infections, viruses, contagion, sickness, and disabilities.

Each book in the Subgenres of Terror 2020 collection contains a ranked thematic watchlist.