I’m running out of words to qualify this franchise. It keeps reinventing itself, while keeping in mind its target audience. The deeper you get, the more soft-core sex scenes and the less witchcraft elements you get. The most notable thing about Witchcraft 7 is its vampires. Weren’t warlocks the most unique facet of these shitfests? Come on! Anyone can make a vampire movie!
Witchcraft 7 is two films in one: mild porn and police procedural. Imagine the contrast. Needless to say, we get to know some of the characters intimately. This is the Emmanuelle of horror movies, with leather and whips. Don’t watch it with your mom. Watch it alone. Or don’t watch it. I’m not sure why anyone would watch this. It’s not like any of the creators gave a damn. They have bills to pay.
Detective Will Spanner returns, now played by David Byrnes. Will he fuck his way through this movie? Will he be battling a horde of vampires anytime soon? The best character of Witchcraft 7 is Martin the vampire. Apparently, he spends most of his time shirtless, dismembering people with his katana. Will he rape someone by the time the end credits roll? There’s only one way to find out...